Friday, July 27, 2012

Random happenings

My mind (and life) are a little all over the place lately. Here's a bullet pointed list of what's going on...and what's running through my mind:

  • I'm writing a paper for my econ class on bicycle commuting
  • I'm trying to stay awake while reading econ, it is difficult
  • I've been spending an insane amount of time cleaning up the garage, which is full of our stuff, boxes that have been opened and searched through over the past year as we've lived in my mom's basement. The garage looked like this about 10 days ago, I've brought order to the madness but its still not ready to go for the move next week: 

  • Evie is super into coloring right now, it's really adorable as long as she keeps it on the paper and not on the walls or couches....
  • Every day all Evie wants to do it go to the "Pool". I am exhausted by the sheer idea of gathering everything up and headed out the door and keeping her sunscreened and alive at the pool, but really, it is so hot that it is one of the only things we can do outside. I miss the temperate days of spring at the park. Now if we go to the park the slides burn Evie's legs and she cries. So we spend a lot of time at the pool/splash pad/seven peaks. And thanks to my vigilant sunscreen neither of us is very tan ;)
  • I'm really overwhelmed with getting all the details finalized for school. Starting at a new university is stressful: figuring out ID cards, email forwarding for new accounts, registration, tuition payments, how I'll take the shuttle, where classes are located, etc. I cannot wait to just be in the swing of things.
  • I am going to look for someone in my quad at student housing to watch Evie one day a week while I do homework. I'm a little stressed about finding the right person, but I'm sure it'll work out. Lots of great women there. Still, I hate having unresolved details like this.
  • I talked to someone this week about how she works in the office of legislative analysis. It got me itching to be back at work.
  • I find work energizing, having an interesting challenging job is so invigorating for me. I miss it. I'm trying to figure out how I can find a job that is interesting and invigorating but doesn't require 40-60 hours per week. Maybe I'm asking the impossible. That's how it feels.
  • I find motherhood exhausting. So so exhausting. Do other mom's find this more invigorating (like how I find working in an out of the home job?)? I'm wondering if the other stay at home mom's feel differently about being a mom, sometimes I think they do.
  • As much as I think about work and how I miss it, I think about how much I'd miss seeing all of Evie's cute developments if I was working all day.
  • I'm conflicted about this motherhood-work-life balance, can you tell?
  • I'm really looking forward to setting up our new apartment. The rug we got that I just posted about is great and I got this ottoman for storage. It's not perfectly my taste, but it will hide toy clutter so it's perfect for this tiny apartment that lacks storage
  • On my doctor's advice I'm back to counting calories, adding in a medicine she prescribed, and still going to the gym. And trying to drink a really really large amount of water. It's a bit much on top of everything else going on, but seems to be working. I've dropped a few pounds in the past 2 weeks. I hope as things calm down and I can be more vigilant, especially on diet, that the weight loss will accelerate. 
  • This week I did bicep curls with 15 lb weights. It was hard, but felt good. I really love weight lifting.
  • For cardio nothing I do beats Zumba, it is so fun and I end up so incredibly sweaty an the time flies. I love it.
  • Everly is on a new medicine to help with restless leg syndrome; her sleep is better but she still rarely sleeps through the night so we'll continue tweaking things there...sigh.
  • Evie woke up at 5:30 this morning. Joe and I are so tired.
  • Joe now has some freelance programming gigs. In addition to his daytime full-time job programming, and his part time mortgages this is a lot of work. He is always busy. So every night it's the two of us on our computers. Lame.
  • The West Wing is on free instant play for amazon prime. We have a free month of amazon prime and I'll be so sad when it expires. Free West Wing on demand makes me a happy woman. It reminds me of my years in college watching it and loving it and of when Evie was a newborn and I'd watch it every morning while she nursed - slowest nurser ever. It's also just so well written and interesting. 
  • It's been more than a decade and I still have a crush on Josh Lyman, it's okay, my husband knows about it. Also Josh Lyman isn't real so it's no threat. :)
  • Dates with Joe our my sanity saver. We saw the Dark Knight on Monday together and I loved it. This weekend is going to be crazy so maybe we'll just go get frozen yogurt together or something.
Evie is now calling from her crib "daddy! daddy!" so she's up from her nap. I guess I'll go disappoint her and tell her daddy is at work. But on the upside I'll tell her we're going to the pool later, so she'll be excited :)

And this post officially feels as disjointed as my life. :)

6 little remarks:

Brooke said...

Being a mom is hard work, but it's lots of the same work over and over again, especially with toddlers. It can get a little mundane, but I do get rejuvenated by it, and I do LOVE it! Even teaching music at the school doesn't compare to the joy I feel at being home and raising my kids and running my household everyday. But when I am not feeling well or haven't slept well or my children haven't felt healthy for awhile being a mom is really really hard. Which you haven't slept well for two years, so for you I'm sure motherhood is far more exhausting than it is for most moms. And you have been working on top of that, so hello to constant burnout, and not very much you time. Way to keep trying to figure it out that work life mom balance though and not just giving up. Some stages of our life are just crazier and harder than others that is for sure, but this stage won't last forever, I promise. Maybe a few years, but not a decade. :)

Angie said...

OK darling, you remind me of me. The quest for motherhood/work/life balance is never ending. When you come up with the perfect solution let me know. Or just come to Colorado and we can just chat about it and remind eachother that we are normal. :)

Kaela said...

Good luck with all that you have going on!!! I think the whole sleeping issue that you and Evie have struggled to get through together has made the first couple years of motherhood extra hard, but I do relate to a lot of your feelings on motherhood.

The bottom line for me is that I wouldn't trade being home with my kids and the feeling of being frustrated at home for the feeling of success outside of my home. I think I would love work- heck I did love work and school. I plan on going back to work too, but I think being home is more important right now at least and isn't meant to be easy and has made me grow in some of the most important ways I can grow. Absolutely no disrespect to anyone who works- that is just how I have felt personally and I feel everyone has their own path and their own "meant to be." Hope that made sense- just know I definitely feel I can at least relate to your frustrations;)

It is definitely beyond exhausting- and I definitely don't always feel like the best mom, but I feel like me and my boys are figuring it out together and we are learning lots of important things about life together. In an ideal world I would have a personal assistant to help me cook and clean and play with my boys that I could completely trust, but I don't feel like I could ever afford that even working full time and I would be making too many tradeoffs and missing too many at home lessons I need to learn... sorry for the novel:(

You are very ambitious with your goals and lists, and school, and moving, and eating healthy, and working out, and.... everything else in between. You are doing a great job and I hope you give yourself credit for all you do and remember to breathe and take one day at a time;) Life by inch is a cinch, but by the yard it can be hard! Wish I lived closer and could help watch Evie!!

Jen said...

I (Aliese's younger sister) rocked a semester of having a tiny baby, working, and going to school. It was rough and I totally struggled. I never thought I would be into being a stay at home mom and I still have big career aspirations. Because of how horrible spring semester was, the husband and I decided that I should quit my job and just do the school and mommy part. It's still pretty rough but it's a bit better. Next week will be my first week as just a stay at home mom and I can hardly wait. I will finally have time to clean, cook, and exercise (all things that have totally gone to pot in all my busy-ness). I'm curious to see if it's something I want to stick to. Either way, I'm grad school bound as well, so it's not going to last. Good luck with the balance. I hope you are really good at it and love it because I totally struggled.

Ali said...

Wow, you have got A LOT going on right now. I'm jealous of your avid colorer:) I need Evie to teach a thing or two about coloring to Evan! Good luck getting settled into your new place, and I admire all your educational/work goals! I just don't have the intellectual-need-to-be-challenged-mind...the simple mundane housework is invigorating- mind-challenging enough for me I guess ;)

Lisa said...

I also watched the West Wing when I was nursing my first and loved it! As for the balance issue, everyone is different. Motherhood to me is not as invigorating as a career or school because there are no report cards, reviews, or progress reports. However, I know there is a time and season for everything and for me, I know more school and career will come later. For now, I just have to be intellectually stimulated by editing Cory's legal briefs or talking politics with my friend who is in grad school at UCLA. Or if I ever move back to Utah, talking to you;-)

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